Sadly, at age 17, i still have not really felt empowered. I would conclude that a sickening phobia of change has kept me from being empowered, but that seems to be just the surface. The smallest changes turn me into a seemingly helpless child. For instance, when my mother changed the furniture arrangement in my living room, I immediately pleaded with her to leave it the way it was. And yes, I cried a little. I haven't figured out yet how to handle even the smallest change in my life. But as I said before, that phobia is only the surface. This fear made me realize that my biggest obstacle in achieving empowerment is control. I still am not able to relinquish my desire for control of everything in my life. My inability to control all change has caused me to fear it, and react rather outrageously when it comes about. For me, my desire for control is like Rita from Mighty Morphon Power Rangers. She was an evil queen, and she controlled all the monsters that came to Earth to destroy the Power Rangers. When the monster was killed, she could bring him back to life, and he would be bigger than ever. That is how my desire for control controls me. It sends my fears here, to me, to fight and destroy my ability to be empowered, and when it seems that those enemies are gone, they come back, bigger than ever. Without control, I find no peace, no happiness. And being addicted to happiness is no fun when you can't obtain it. Right now I crave control, but I also want happiness, and I know that I'm going to have to make a decision about which craving I will keep. I know that one day I will let go of that desire for control and be empowered.Tuesday, June 28, 2011
My Enabler
I know the term "enabler" is usually used in relation to some type of addiction, but I can't help but use it to describe empowerment. In terms of an addiction, an enabler is a bad thing. It's the perosn or thing that makes you hang on to that addiction. But that's what empowerment will do for me. It's the one thing that allows me to hold on to my sweet addiction to happiness.
Sadly, at age 17, i still have not really felt empowered. I would conclude that a sickening phobia of change has kept me from being empowered, but that seems to be just the surface. The smallest changes turn me into a seemingly helpless child. For instance, when my mother changed the furniture arrangement in my living room, I immediately pleaded with her to leave it the way it was. And yes, I cried a little. I haven't figured out yet how to handle even the smallest change in my life. But as I said before, that phobia is only the surface. This fear made me realize that my biggest obstacle in achieving empowerment is control. I still am not able to relinquish my desire for control of everything in my life. My inability to control all change has caused me to fear it, and react rather outrageously when it comes about. For me, my desire for control is like Rita from Mighty Morphon Power Rangers. She was an evil queen, and she controlled all the monsters that came to Earth to destroy the Power Rangers. When the monster was killed, she could bring him back to life, and he would be bigger than ever. That is how my desire for control controls me. It sends my fears here, to me, to fight and destroy my ability to be empowered, and when it seems that those enemies are gone, they come back, bigger than ever. Without control, I find no peace, no happiness. And being addicted to happiness is no fun when you can't obtain it. Right now I crave control, but I also want happiness, and I know that I'm going to have to make a decision about which craving I will keep. I know that one day I will let go of that desire for control and be empowered.
Sadly, at age 17, i still have not really felt empowered. I would conclude that a sickening phobia of change has kept me from being empowered, but that seems to be just the surface. The smallest changes turn me into a seemingly helpless child. For instance, when my mother changed the furniture arrangement in my living room, I immediately pleaded with her to leave it the way it was. And yes, I cried a little. I haven't figured out yet how to handle even the smallest change in my life. But as I said before, that phobia is only the surface. This fear made me realize that my biggest obstacle in achieving empowerment is control. I still am not able to relinquish my desire for control of everything in my life. My inability to control all change has caused me to fear it, and react rather outrageously when it comes about. For me, my desire for control is like Rita from Mighty Morphon Power Rangers. She was an evil queen, and she controlled all the monsters that came to Earth to destroy the Power Rangers. When the monster was killed, she could bring him back to life, and he would be bigger than ever. That is how my desire for control controls me. It sends my fears here, to me, to fight and destroy my ability to be empowered, and when it seems that those enemies are gone, they come back, bigger than ever. Without control, I find no peace, no happiness. And being addicted to happiness is no fun when you can't obtain it. Right now I crave control, but I also want happiness, and I know that I'm going to have to make a decision about which craving I will keep. I know that one day I will let go of that desire for control and be empowered.
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