It's Just a Thought *shrugs*

We, as woman, constantly complain about being objectified. I always hear complaints about men gawking at breasts or behinds and how disgusting they are for doing that. I wonder, though, what they believe they are doing when they see an attractive man and comment on his body, or even his eyes or clothing. The problem with objectification is that people see it as a personal statement about them as people. The truth is: objectification is natural. When you first see someone, most people only see what is attractive on the person. Not because you think they are shallow, and not because you are shallow, but because our basic animal instincts are to find an attractive mate to have sex.
Every animal (yes, I’m including humans in this term) wants to reproduce and keep the species going. For many species, the way to reproduce is through sex. Every animal feels the desire for sex. It seems that only humans, though, have added an emotional aspect to mating and sex. That wouldn’t be a problem, except that it’s made us ultra sensitive to things that are not necessarily a personal thing.
I’m no stranger to “being objectified,” so to speak. I constantly receive comments about my breasts. In fact, many people call me “clappin’ from the front.” When I hear that though, I simply laugh, or resume normal conversation. I have become immune to “objectification” because I have accepted myself as I am, and because I am confident enough to know that any comments about my body do not say anything about me as a person. I know that people are going to pay attention to my breasts, but I also know that they will pay attention to what I have to say because I have more to me than my body.
Now this is not to say that every comment or gesture is appropriate, especially in a public place.  Like Kim'Dra said in her blog, boys constantly walk down the street referring to females by articles of clothing or by calling them "baby" or "boo."  The man who gives out the Express newspapers once told me that I had nice legs.  I agree that those names are tasteless and should not be hollered down the street, but how can you fault the males for thinking a woman is attractive?  And is he completely wrong to treat a female as if she has no class if her dress and attitude provoke that thought?  For instance, when the Express man commented on my legs, i had on short shorts, so can i fault him for noticing?  I don't believe I can, because I made the choice to wear those shorts, knowing that showing more leg turns more heads. I don’t believe that thinking of someone as attractive, and not as some special person right off the bat, is inappropriate. I think that people need to stop being so sensitive. Just because someone thinks you’re attractive doesn’t mean that they want to marry you, and you certainly don’t have to want to be with them.  Just remember that at some time or another, whether you spoke the words or not, you've objectified someone too.  And remember that it was harmless -- an involuntary thought about someone's physical features that you thought were attractive, or mateable (& no, that's not a word).

Shells by the Seashore

The Santa Monica noose incident brought up a lot of questions and concerns about the relations between whites and blacks in the country.  However, in our class, it made something else even more apparent -- skin color.  The fact that I am black has nothing to do with how I am treated, but rather the color of my skin determines my fate.

For so long, the dark-skinned blacks in this country have been put down and denied common courtesy because they are darker, and the light-skinned blacks have been pampered -- earning the job, and later the nickname, of "house niggers."  Not only that, but the ridicule that many darker blacks in this country had to face was harsh, and often happened at the hands of their lighter counterparts.  Clearly, this mistreatment is wrong, and, as many have noted, this mistreatment is a reminder of the mental chains that slavery still has on us.  But in recent years, I have seen a decline in the amount of light-skinned black citizens mistreating their fellow dark-skinned citizens, and more of the emotionally battered dark-skinned blacks picking on their light-skinned brothers and sisters.

I have constantly heard that "just because you're light-skinned doesn't mean you're great."  The comments come from all over the place.  Twitter is always filled with the tweets, and retweets, of the statements like the one I just mentioned.  Without even knowing my favorite subject, these people have torn me down into less than a person, a shell, judging my whole outlook on life on the color of my skin.  I have never believed that the fact that I am a "redbone" makes me beautiful or better than any darker black person.  I am tired of being attacked emotionally by people who automatically believe that I believe I'm great.  I do think I'm a great person, but not because of my skin.  I believe that I am great because of all the things underneath my skin.  All of my quirks and fears and achievements make me great, not my skin.

I'm sick and tired of being told that I do not deserve to think highly of myself because of a circumstance beyond my control.  I'm frustrated because people constantly rip me off my high horse like I don't deserve every inch of it, because they think I only got it because I'm "bright."  I'm sick of constantly having people want me to prove my open-mindedness and lack of prejudice by talking about how I have dark-skinned friends, or having to defend myself when people see that my best friends are both light-skinned.  The mental attraction we have to each other has nothing to do with the skin that holds all of this greatness inside.  I am not okay with being defined by a mere shell of myself.  I am human, and I have more to me than my skin.  I am deserving of everything that I get because I work for it and because I am capable of attaining it, and no one can tell me I'm not.  I will not let this mistreatment just pass because it is done by people who have been hurt by people who are my same color.  It is unacceptable to make someone feel as though their accomplishments aren't worthwhile because their skin is a certain color, no matter which side it is coming from.

My Enabler

I know the term "enabler" is usually used in relation to some type of addiction, but I can't help but use it to describe empowerment.  In terms of an addiction, an enabler is a bad thing.  It's the perosn or thing that makes you hang on to that addiction.  But that's what empowerment will do for me.  It's the one thing that allows me to hold on to my sweet addiction to happiness. 

Sadly, at age 17, i still have not really felt empowered.  I would conclude that a sickening phobia of change has kept me from being empowered, but that seems to be just the surface.  The smallest changes turn me into a seemingly helpless child.  For instance, when my mother changed the furniture arrangement in my living room, I immediately pleaded with her to leave it the way it was.  And yes, I cried a little.  I haven't figured out yet how to handle even the smallest change in my life. But as I said before, that phobia is only the surface.  This fear made me realize that my biggest obstacle in achieving empowerment is control.  I still am not able to relinquish my desire for control of everything in my life.  My inability to control all change has caused me to fear it, and react rather outrageously when it comes about.  For me, my desire for control is like Rita from Mighty Morphon Power Rangers.  She was an evil queen, and she controlled all the monsters that came to Earth to destroy the Power Rangers.  When the monster was killed, she could bring him back to life, and he would be bigger than ever.  That is how my desire for control controls me.  It sends my fears here, to me, to fight and destroy my ability to be empowered, and when it seems that those enemies are gone, they come back, bigger than ever.  Without control, I find no peace, no happiness.  And being addicted to happiness is no fun when you can't obtain it.  Right now I crave control, but I also want happiness, and I know that I'm going to have to make a decision about which craving I will keep.  I know that one day I will let go of that desire for control and be empowered.

Rita - Mighty Morphin Power Rangers